I Can’t Imagine

I Can't Imagine

 

I cant forget

Your smile

Your eyes

Your face

And warm embrace

 

I need your breath

Against my cheek

Without you

I’m not complete

 

I can’t imagine

Life without

Your touch

Your scent

Have no doubt

 

Without you

My heart cries

A part of me

Whithers and dies

by Renee Robinson

My Journey With Cancer – December 16, 2011

God Help Me

December 16, 2011
Dear Diary,
Today I am compelled to share the news I just received a few moments ago.  My readers have not been reading what pathway I am currently traveling.  I am to shaky to try to update them right now.
Yesterday, I had my cancer blood draw.  This measures something in my blood (I am sorry readers, I just can’t research and be technical right now).  It is elevated, which isn’t good.  I am going to be rushed in for tests, more bloodwork and God knows what else.
It is so frustrating.  I am 45 years old.  I have tried to be strong, but I do have moments like the one I am having right now where I feel weak, tired and hopeless. To lose hope is like a bottomless pit.  You claw and cling at the walls, but just keep sinking lower.  It goes on and on endlessly.  At the top of the pit, I see the faces of my family and friends.  Their arms are stretch out and I am trying to reach, but I can’t.
I have always wanted to be a published writer.  I married young, had children right away and held down a job.  I never had time to dedicate to writing, outside of poems, short stories and a couple of novels-I am just now trying to complete.
Ironically, cancer has given me the time needed to dedicate myself to my writing.  Halfway through my chemo treatments, I was terminated from my job, since I had been unable to work for 6 months.  It was recieved like a mule kick in my gut.  I loved my job….
As a result, I found myself with time on my hands.  I needed to do something.  The chemo poisoned me.  The very thing that was supposed to save my life, also ravished my health.  I am in constant pain and have had countless surgeries and procedures.  My entire life went off the track and began tailspinning into the pit of hell. I was ready to lose my mind.
Thank God for my writing.  It is my outlet.  It always has been.  By writing, I work out all of my frustrations.  Something about putting my thoughts down on paper comforts me.  When I began this entry I was crying so hard, I could not see.  However now, my eyes are dry and I am calm.
Fighting for my life, as also left me with such a strong desire to leave a legacy.  Something tangible that marks my place in this world.  I have my sons, who are a treasure so dear to me.  Some could say they are my legacy, which I could not argue.
However, by leaving behind my writings, I am leaving something behind for my sons to have and share with my grandchildren I may never meet.  It is also something I leave for my parents.  A parent should never have to outlive their children.  I hope my words will be something they can look at, read and remember me by.
Well, the Doctor is calling again.  I guess I will sign off for now.  Time to go immediately in for more test.  Please keep me in your prayers.

Bitch In Heat

Bitch In Heat

You chased away all of my friends

You were too stupid to comprehend

You were the only one for me

Yet you became my enemy

You had no faith or no trust

Your smothering ways destroyed us

You were the one with the roaming eye

Cheating on me, making me cry

You couldn’t resist her prowling ways

She toyed with you, had you played

You worried I had the straying eye

When all this time, you were the lie

One shake of tail, is all it took

Forgetting me, you were hooked

A bitch in heat, a scent to entice

You too eager to get a slice

She’s nothing more than a slut

You jump right in ready to rut

Eager to wallow in that pig’s pen

Swine, you are, jumping right in

Don’t know how you stand the smell

So long, farewell and go to hell

Welcome back when pig’s fly

Kiss my ass and say goodbye

by Renee Robinson