Archives For hope

Sparrows of Hope

Nae's Nest —  August 9, 2014 — Leave a comment

I open my hand toward Heaven and ask for the sparrow of hope to softly land in my hand.

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I do not want to lose my hope.

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Wish Away

Nae's Nest —  July 23, 2013 — Leave a comment

Living on the edge of darkness

War came and took away

All which was pleasant

Lives which were priceless

Only a few remain

In this chalky world

With a brown sun

Everything is insecure

Is this Hell? A price forever to pay?

But it couldn’t be

For God carries my soul

And promised a redemption day

Perhaps this is a dream

 I will wish away

Go away dream, go away!

I open my eyes and I scream

Lost and alone

People all about

Stuck between life and death

Clutching my hands to chest

Dropping to my knees

Deliver me  from this place

Take away this disease

Between light and dark

Living in shades of gray

Let me see rainbows and sunshine

Please deliver me, I pray

Wish Away

 

Wish Away

Renee Robinson

Craving Life  Nov 7, 2009

This morning I found the articles below about a beautiful woman, Jen Merendino and her husband, Angelo.  Their story begins with Jen, newlywed of only 5 months, being diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. Like myself, they decided to document their story from the time of diagnosis until they reached the end of their journey Notice I do not refer to “her” journey. You see, Angelo shares Jen’s cancer as he helplessly walks this journey along with her.  It is terminal. It is ongoing.

A few weeks ago, I decided to relive the beginning of my journey.  I have traced back my steps and intend to dance through those steps all over again. This time around, I will be doing some editing, preparing and organizing in preparation for publishing.  My story continues, however instead of one novel, I believe it will be a series.

Like a story, life has a beginning, a middle and an end.  I am still dancing around the cadence of my story.  My music can be heard within the beauty of nature.  It is in the bird, in the wind, in the rain and in the crackle of a fire.

It is LIFE. I crave LIFE.

Excerpt 1 Dancing With Cancer: 

Together we will dance, much like a puppet on strings.

I wear the mask of cancer.

Many before me have worn this mask.

We are family.

Cancer consumes us.

It is on our minds when we fall asleep.

 It is on our minds when we awake.

Identity is lost.

We change physically.

We change emotionally.

We fight and are courageous

 We cry and lose hope.

Cancer consumes us.

We share the same steps

The same moves

The same agony

Together we will dance, much like a puppet on strings.

I am disabled, due to stage 4 colon cancer. Since my diagnosis, I have self-published 4 poetry books which reflect the emotional ups and downs of the Face of Cancer.

Those with cancer are my family.

Those touched personally by the hand of cancer, are now my family.

We wear the same mask,

We share the same face,

We are consumed,

Cancer is our identity.

My poetry reflects these feelings, my current novel will reflect these feelings as well. We Are The Face of Cancer

Sometimes I truly believe I am dying. I fight depression and cancer on a daily basis. On Dec 9, 2009, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. It has spread to 1 lymph node (stage 3) and has gone through a few layers of the colon wall. There are 3 types of colon cancer. Type 1 is the least aggressive; type 3 is the most aggressive. Mine is type 1. Chemotherapy will be Jan 12. I have been told I may not lose my hair. I will most likely feel very ill.

The thought of losing my hair truly does not bother me.

Lose Hair, Win Life …. when you think of it this way ….losing all of your hair really seems insignificant.

My goal is to stay free of cancer for the next 5 years.  Those lucky ones are officially considered to be cured. My surgeon is now my new best friend. I will see him every 3 months for the next 5 years. I will have bloodwork and other tests taken with each visit.

The dance is just beginning:

One morning I awoke with severe abdominal pain. I was currently suffering from a sinus, ear and respiratory infection. I also had the Flu. Thus, I believed the severe stomach cramps were just another horrible symptom. As the days progressed, I gradually recovered from my illness except for the ongoing abdominal pain. Finally, the pain became so bad, I could not stand or sit up. I stayed balled in a fetal position in bed. I went to the emergency room.

Initially, it was believed I was having a gall bladder attack. The pain centered just below my right breast and I had upper abdominal swelling. I was admitted to the hospital to prepare for emergency gall bladder surgery. Blood was drawn, CAT Scans, X-rays and a Cholescintigraphy or HIDA (scan of the gall bladder function) were all given. That evening, all of the test results were in. My gall bladder was in great health.

Puzzled, my surgeon began to ask more questions about my symptoms and family history. The following morning, before discharging from the hospital, I was scheduled to have both an Upper GI Endoscopy, and a lower Colonoscopy. It was rare for my Doctor to do both of the procedures at the same time, but in my case, he felt it was necessary. He explained that my symptoms which included terrible heartburn and diarrhea, made him think I had more than one problem. He felt it best to check my entire digestive system.   

by Renee Robinson

And now on to the  Merindino’s story:          

Your Afternoon Cry: Photographer Hauntingly Documents Late Wife’s Battle With Breast Cancer

 If you only read one wrenching, touching, tear-jerker of a story today, please make it this one.

Five months after New Yorkers Angelo and Jen Merendino were married, Jen was diagnosed with breast cancer. As the next four years of treatment and medications passed, which left then-39-year-old Jen fatigued, in a walker, staying for long stints in the hospital.

With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, “You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.” We loved each other with every bit of our souls. Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time.

Angelo, a photographer, began to document her (and their) trials with intimate, powerful shots initially meant for their friends and family. The result is a chronological series of photographs of Jen throughout the course of her illness: laughing, sleeping, grimacing with pain, pushing the painkiller drip, putting on makeup, swimming in the ocean.

My photographs show this daily life. They humanize the face of cancer, on the face of my wife. They show the challenge, difficulty, fear, sadness and loneliness that we faced, that Jennifer faced, as she battled this disease. Most important of all, they show our Love. These photographs do not define us, but they are us.

Jen passed away a year and a half ago of Stage IV breast cancer. If you’re not already crying,this blog post about an alert Jen set on Angelo’s phone for the 22nd of every month, just a short time before she passed away (“Jennifer thinks Angelo is hot!”), should do you in. Fucking devastating. The Battle We Didn’t Choose [My Wife’s Fight With Breast Cancer]  Resource:http://jezebel.com/angelo-merendino/  Photographer Angelo Merendino

http://jezebel.com/angelo-merendino/

AKRON, Ohio — Jennifer Merendino was an activist until the end. While battling breast cancer, she boldly used the power of blogs and photography to raise awareness about the disease, spur women to get mammograms and sound the alarm about environmental toxins. The 40-year-old Bath Township native died Dec. 22. Having made the decision to halt chemotherapy earlier in December after her condition worsened, she passed away in the peace of her New York City home, encircled by her husband, parents and relatives. The funeral is 11 a.m. Thursday at Blessed Trinity Church, 300 E. Tallmadge Ave., Akron. “Jennifer had a pretty raw deal handed to her. Until the end, she was graceful and positive and she just handled something really horrible in a beautiful and strong and encouraging way,” said her husband, Angelo, a photographer who detailed her daily struggles in stark black-and-white pictures. “She taught people. Throughout the whole thing, she shared her experience. She could have very easily been angry and turned inward, but she didn’t.” Some photos from his collection (mywifesfightwithbreastcancer.com) were featured in The Plain Dealer last month and were also displayed at an exhibition at 78th Street Studio in Ohio City. Gallery owner Daniel Bush said the photographs helped draw a crowd of more than 1,000 on opening night, including many who drove in from Akron. Although it wasn’t the type of fame anyone would choose for themselves, Merendino didn’t shy away from the spotlight after her cancer diagnosis. She blogged frequently at http://mylifewithbreastcancer.wordpress.com until last month, when her health began to fail. Five months ago, she posted a solemn video of herself on YouTube. With a bald head and wearing a black strapless top, she talked plainly about her tumors, treatments and the close relationships that made the pain more bearable. “This journey, although very difficult — beyond difficult — is just one that I wanted to share with you,” Merendino concluded while gazing into the camera. “Maybe share it with somebody that you love, to help them. And that’s my wish. Thank you.” She was the daughter of Camille and Larry Wise of North Ridgeville. A 1990 graduate of Revere High School in Summit County, she met her husband, who hails from Akron, in 2005. The couple lived in New York City. Five months after their 2007 wedding in Central Park, she received her breast cancer diagnosis. During her nearly four-year battle against the disease, Merendino researched environmental causes of cancers and even helped introduce eco-friendly changes at her workplace, Kiehl’s Cosmetics, and its parent company, L’Oreal, family members said. Her final weeks were happy, with relatives and friends arriving from out of town to say goodbye, her husband said. Also during that time, two women posted on a Facebook page that ‘Merendino’s story moved them to schedule their first mammograms. “It happened before she passed and I was able to tell her,” Angelo Merendino said. “As sad as it was, there were moments of great happiness and love, and I know that’s what Jennifer wanted.” Contributions may be made to the Jennifer Merendino Memorial Cancer Foundation at FirstMerit Bank to aid people with cancer. Arrangements are by Hennessy Funeral Home, Akron. Resource: blog.cleveland.com Related topics: 78th street galleryangelo merendinobreast cancerdaniel bushjennifer merendino

Searching For Hope

Nae's Nest —  March 28, 2013 — Leave a comment

by Gregg Prescott, M.S.
www.in5d.com
www.HolisticCancerResearch.com

At this time of monumental change on Earth, the challenges of life have become more accelerated, and there are a growing number of people who are experiencing despair and a loss of hope.

The activation of greater spiritual light on the Earth has created a shift of awareness and priorities within the collective consciousness of humanity, and has intensified the process of individual and global purification. This massive cleansing process is creating great upheaval for so many people.

As this process is becoming more accelerated on all levels, so are the challenges and transformations.. we may go through. We may encounter situations of challenge and difficulty that feel so extreme, that we do not know how we are going to get through them.

Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a sudden illness, living through a natural disaster, a sudden loss of our income and livelihood, or any other number of painful situations, there are times When life becomes so challenging that we are overwhelmed with emotions of grief, anger, and despair. “Why did this happen to me?” we ask, and it may be that we cannot feel any answer, or any sense of inner comfort in the midst of our pain.love balloons hearts

At times like these, often our emotions are so intense that it is not possible to feel anything positive. It is not possible to imagine living through until tomorrow. It is not possible to believe we will ever feel whole again.

What is needed at times like this, is the healing presence of love. Love is the healer which can mend broken hearts and heal all wounds. Love is available at all times from the divine, and also from within us and around us. Love is the very fabric of physically manifest life on Earth, and though most of us do not yet perceive the presence of love in this way, it is growing stronger and is now more and more present in tangible ways in daily life.

Love can come in many forms into our lives, in the comforting embrace of a friend or family member, in the prayers and good wishes of even those we are not personally connected with, or in the presence of God that we may be able to feel in quiet times. Love can also be felt in the warmth of a relationship with a beloved animal friend, or by being in a pristine natural environment healing sadnesswhere you can feel the majesty and grace of God’s creation.

When we are in severe pain, often it is not possible to feel or respond to love right away. If more love comes our way, it may trigger a flood of our deeper emotions, causing us to cry harder, or feel angrier or more despairing. We may try to isolate ourselves and hide from the pain, and hide from those who love us to avoid feeling the pain.

Healing from despair and the loss of hope is a process, and it generally does not happen overnight. What is needed to sustain us during these times, is a source of love that can be present with us consistently through the turbulent ups and downs of emotion that we are experiencing.

All of us are human and imperfect, and it may be that our friends, family members or counselors are not always able to always hold a consistent presence of love for us during difficult times. Everyone on Earth is being affected by the greater intensity of spiritual light, and they are also in a healing process. It is helpful if we can cultivate an inner connection with spirit that can sustain us through good times and bad.

Healing Despair and the Loss of Hope | in5d.com | Esoteric, Spiritual and Metaphysical DatabaseIt is always a good idea to cultivate an inner connection with spirit, for the divine source of all love, light and life is available to us at all times to provide comfort, support and nurturing no matter what else is going on in our lives. The stronger this connection with the divine becomes within us, the more will be possible to receive in the way of blessing, grace and healing.

When we are feeling overwhelmed with pain, despair, or the loss of hope, it may not be possible for us to extricate ourselves from the depths of emotion by ourselves. In this situation, joining with others can be of great benefit. Whether it be a support group, a healing relationship, or a close friendship, being willing to ask for and receive help will activate and strengthen the presence of love in your own being and within those who are available and willing to help.

One of the most potent experiences of despair is the way it feels endless, and intractable. It pervades all our senses and creates a feeling of hopelessness. Because it feels as though it will never end, we feel there is no reason to go on. Despair can sit like a cloud in our body, our mind and our emotions. While we are in it, it feels as though there is nothing else.

What happens through the presence of love, is that the divine light that is a natural part of love, begins to dissolve the cloud of despair. It can happen slowly or quickly, but it does happen if you are able to find within yourself the willingness to reach out for love.

Love heals all, and transforms even the most intense pain, if we can allow it. It is the path through despair, and through love hope returns and can be felt in the heart, the mind and the body. We feel lighter, clearer, more open and more alive. We can feel the new arriving into our consciousness, bringing forth blessings we never could imagine, the blessings that come from God’s love.

source: http://in5d.com/healing-despair.html       by Gregg Prescott, M.S.
www.in5d.com
www.HolisticCancerResearch.com

Desert Sea

Nae's Nest —  September 17, 2012 — 6 Comments

I found the sea

In a place I did not expect

It was there at my time of need

It was there to accept

The colors so beautiful

Picking up the desert hues

The sea is here in the desert

Brought here by a muse

An answer to my prayer

The sea brings me comfort

Within its fresh air

It breaks the heat of the wind

A welcome cool breeze

A retreat from reality

A moment to seize

The heat is hard to breathe

Curling me up in pain

Tears fall nearly everyday

Hope is under strain

Hope is sunshine in the rain

It is the sea in the desert

It is a moment to seize

The welcome cool breeze

Many days without hope seem to go by

On the rare day it appears

I want to breathe it in

It’s water washing away my fears

I pray on the sea’s mountain

Looking down at the gorgeous shore

True power and beauty

Majestic colorful waters I adore

Welcome me in

Taking me home

Reminding me of hope

My feet washed clean by the sea’s foam

The desert is hardly seen

So entranced am I

I want to hold on to this moment

For as long as I can

It brings me smiles, and beauty

It reminds me of who I am

It brings me the healing sea

It brings me great love

The faces of my family

Surrounds me with hope

Giving me needed peace

Forever I want to sit

Next to the Desert Sea

Renee Robinson

Preening For Chemo

Nae's Nest —  June 19, 2012 — 9 Comments

I close my eyes and I have wings

Beautiful, I look beautiful!

Light and free

I can go anywhere

I choose to be

Around the globe

Or perhaps New York City

I could go the Broadway

Take in some shows

Write a play

All full of hope

Maybe I’ll go to Vegas

Breathtaking at night

Vegas can be viewed

From miles away

What an amazing sight

I will spread my wings

Preen my feathers

As I look around

I have done all I wanted to

But here I am

Soaking in a bubble bath

Alone….

Alone…

Alone in this dream

Alone with these wings

Dreams are a fantastic escape

Lasting just a moment

All wishes come true

When I awake

Poof! My wings are gone

Along with the beauty

Of fantastic shows

In amazing cities

Where dreams come true

What an irony

I am left behind

Alone with reality

Slapping me across the face

I have to bathe without any bubbles

Get dressed and leave

Without the ease

And beauty of wings

Ride down to the hospital

Where are the shows?

Get hooked up to chemo

Where are the lights?

Drop by drop

My eyes getting heavy

Back to my dreams

Dreams of the dark

Dreams of a monster

Cancer is his name

But when I awake

He is still here

Renee Robinson

Only A Dream Away

Nae's Nest —  June 11, 2012 — 1 Comment

I’ve been turned wrong-side-out

I will never be the same

Nothing seems to help

So, I sit here and pout

Too tired to run

Too tired to cry

Too tired for pain

But it is here just the same

This is all part of  what it feels like to die

It is what it is, no reason to lie

It doesn’t help to make it go away

It doesn’t mean I know longer care

I only state the facts for those who are too scared

Put it out there in black and white

Work out your feelings any way you can

Delete,  burn, post or not

You are in control, the beast is not

These are the weakest moments

Too much effort to cry

Too exhausting to care

The only thing I want

Is to sleep through my pain

To forget for a while

Tomorrow, a new day

Perhaps brighter and better

Live to see the new day

It is only 1 dream away

Renee Robinson

 

The real power of prayer – timesofmalta.com.

I believe, prayer and the medical field can work easily hand in hand and DOES.  My faith in an answered prayer and a miraculous healing is in no way an insult to the medical community or my Doctor’s ability.  We are only human.  Isn’t it possible, sometimes we need a little added help from our creator?

I also believe someone in need of a healing is obviously heavily dependent on prayer. Without prayer, there is no hope.  Without hope, there is no reason.  –No reason to fight.  Without hope, one just gives up.  Why continue to fight if there is no hope of survival?  Why put up with daily pain, if the end result is known to be death?

My purpose in sharing this article?  To inspire those prayers and to keep hope alive.  Millions of people around the world are depending on it.

Doctor’s even know that Hope is a necessity to survive.

*article reblogged from http://www.timesofmalta.com

Greetings From Heaven

Nae's Nest —  April 12, 2012 — 3 Comments
Greetings from Heaven
I will whisper in your ear
Weave you sweet dreams
Take away all fear
 
No grave will keep me down
My spirit will rise
Your personal angel
Love creates strong ties
 
I will be there
To protect and guide
Call on my name
I will be by your side
 
I will spread my wings
To shield you from rain
I will wrap them around you
When you feel pain
 
When your time comes
I will lead you to the light
I will give you comfort
I will calm your fright
by Renee Robinson