InnerSelf

Nae's Nest —  May 31, 2013 — 9 Comments

Without you on my side, how can I make it?  What do I do when those I love have given up? They are the ones whom I draw my strength on.  My burden in on overload. I draw too much.  I am breaking them down as they struggle to hold me up.  Over four years back and forth the war rages.  Exhausting us all.  We have  traveled  the stages – skipping 1, hitting two, leaped over 3,  dead-stop  #4.

 please don’t give up on me.

4 is the final stop. The new number for bad luck. A miracle can save, treatment extends life.

 please don’t give up on me.

I see hope slipping away from family and friends. No longer able to hide behind the mask. I see the color drain from their faces, even when my eyes close.  It grows more difficult  to hold onto the positive. When many around me are shattered, my diagnosis such a blow. I am truly placing my body into healing hands, words, thoughts  ointments  and prayers. When I feel  pulled  down and depressed I  look  for a reason to lift myself out.

 please don’t give up on me.

I look toward my faith, my  spirituality, my soul.  I am reaching within my essence, the core of my being. I meet myself for the first time. My  reflection  shines in my inner pool.  The pool is infected, but I am still there.  I find life and happiness. Memories, some good – some bad.  I see a good loving life. A good heart. Full of love. Grace, sensitivity and life.

Please don’t give up on me.

I am saddened for causing such grief to others. This hurts as  much as my outward pain. Pain both inside and out. The physical and emotional.

Please don’t give up on me

I reach inside my pool of life. I form words while I destroy cells. Pop,pop, pop like packaging bubbles.  Busting bad cells finding myself, my being, my words. God I pray my words bring strength back into all of those eyes which are upon me.

Please don’t give up on me

I hold onto happiness, onto my inner self tight.  I clasp the hands of God.  I will be saved, I will survive.  Whether my feet will continue to walk this path, or whether they crossover into a land I’ve only imagined, I will be OK. I will find happiness again.  I will be  awaiting  for you.  I will unite with those waiting for me.

Please don’t give up on me. 

Nae's Nest

Posts

I find myself "Dancing With Cancer", problem is...I can't dance. I stumble, bumble, and get pulled along. To keep my sanity, (humor me), I write short stories, a journal, musings and poetry....just about anything goes.

9 responses to InnerSelf

  1. 
    Mary lou Grundy June 1, 2013 at 4:05 am

    You have a great gift for writing. We are keeping you in our prayers. Love you.

  2. 

    You have a great gift for writing. I’m keeping you in my prayers. Love you.

  3. 
    MELINDA MULLINS May 31, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I LOVE YOU MY DEAR SWEET COUSIN,IM PRAYING FOR YOU EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY..MAY THE SWEET LORD WATCH OVER YOU AND EASE YOU PAIN!!!I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY…………………

  4. 

    Lovely. Deep with emotion. Bless you!

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