Dear Diary, Dancing With Cancer 5/15/13

Nae's Nest —  May 19, 2013 — 12 Comments

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Most likely, I have lost my fight with cancer. I have decided instead of spending the rest of my life fighting cancer, I need to spend the rest of my life simply Living. I believe those who wear these shoes, know exactly what this means.  However, for those who have followed my story and suddenly feel a knot swelling up in the throat as it holds back the onset of tears, rest assure, this does not mean I have given up living. Nor does it mean I am surrendering myself to the jowls of Cancer.

My cancer is in the final stages. I must come to terms with this. This can be done without giving in  Instead of living out the rest of my life with cancer.  I simply want to live. Treatments are prolonging my life, without a miracle, my life will not be saved. Although I continue to collect prayers, miracles and magic every single day, I know my chances are slim. Instead of using all of my energy fighting until I am too exhausted to stand,  I believe the next logical step for me is to stay comfortable, to meditate, to eat healthy and seek alternative treatments.  There are many who have been cured while enveloping themselves in these more pleasant alternatives. I believe the frame of mind is an important key to healing.  Positive thought, living and happiness can offer the same benefit of homemade chicken soup. It is a known fact, laughter releases endorphins with highly oxygen enriched blood which allows the body to feel good.

I want to enjoy what life I have. If today is my last, I would like to know I truly enjoyed something today.  Had I been too busy, I might have missed it. I would like to know I told someone special “I love you”. I’d like to take a sweet trip down Memory Lane.  I’d simply like to remember past-times while creating new memories.

Life is a mural of seasons, scents, flavors and colors. I do not want my remaining seasons to be painted dark, cold and sterile.  I want my final seasons to be funny,  brilliant and free-flowing.

I want it to float. I want it to live out like a song. I want to dance each breath masterfully, as if conducted by Beethoven.   I want my life to slowly drift away toward the origin of all music and love.
Renee Robinson

from spiritual quotes & meditations

Nae's Nest

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I find myself "Dancing With Cancer", problem is...I can't dance. I stumble, bumble, and get pulled along. To keep my sanity, (humor me), I write short stories, a journal, musings and poetry....just about anything goes.

12 responses to Dear Diary, Dancing With Cancer 5/15/13

  1. 

    Renee, my heart is heavy tonight after reading this. All I can say is God is in control of our lives and we won’t go one minute before He says He’s ready. I will continue to pray for you and ask God to keep you real close to Him. I wish there was no such word as CANCER. It’s such a mean and nasty disease. Please know that I love you!!! Betty

    • 

      I love you to Betty. If you were here, I’d love nothing better than to give you a hug. I thank you for the prayers. My parents, husband and I can never have too many.

  2. 

    Renee you are a beautiful and strong woman.I would love to have a beer with you and dance. We would be to of a kind because i can’t dance with this peg leg.But we sure would have a good laugh God bless you stay strong. Love ya Sandy

  3. 
    MELINDA MULLINS May 19, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    I LOVE YOU MY DEAR COUSIN……….YOU ARE THE BRAVEST WOMAN I KNOW…A KIND SWEET GENTLE SPIRIT..YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS!!!!IM SO GLAD YOU GOT TO WRITE YOU BOOKS….I LOVE YOU..YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO SO MANY ME INCLUDED!!!XOXOXOXOXMINDY

    • 

      Sweet Mindy. How I remember you. I’d get so excited knowing I would see you. Big hugs n kisses. I bet we would have just as much fun together now and be just as silly.

  4. 

    Dear Nae,
    I am so sorry to read this, but your voice and spirit are wise and strong, and I admire your courage and determination to live as you choose and are able. Even suffering from illness, you have accomplished so much! Look at all the people you are reaching and have bolstered with your writing. And while you are determined to live your life to the fullest, hope remained after Pandora released that swarm of ills upon the world.
    Wishing you peace and comfort.
    With admiration and love,
    Naomi

  5. 

    Renee – you are in my prayers nightly and I so admire your courage and the insight of your journey. It saddens me, even though we have never met, to read your words today. God surely has a special place for you. I have enjoyed your stories, poems, etc. You have touched my heart with each and every one. May God bless you.

    Kathy Keller (Drema’s mother in law)

  6. 

    Keep living, live and never allow cancer to imprison your joy!

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