Dear Diary, Dancing with Cancer. To the granchildren I may never know

Nae's Nest —  May 3, 2013 — 14 Comments

bycommonconsent.com

5/3/13

Dear Diary,

I know I haven’t written in a while. Things are getting more  difficult to deal with as I grow weak. I am facing death. I am losing my battle. The cancer is back again. It is again active in my liver and now has spread to my left lung. I will go in next week to see what we will do from here. I am in the final stages. What began as a “less aggressive slow-growing cancer” has been upgraded to a hungry beast eager to chew at my flesh.

With each tear of my flesh, I grit my teeth in pain. The monster is strong and it just doesn’t want to let go. I am going to die. The treatments prolong my life, but there is now little hope it will cure.

I try to continue to write, though this is now becoming difficult. I fear I shall lose my mind if I am no longer able to write. This will probably make death come even faster. I have had few eBook sales and no eBook reviews.  I would love to know at least one of my books was beginning to do well. It is all I have to give the grandchildren I may never know. I hope to get back to writing a childrens book I started many years ago. It tells of my childhood. It would be something my sons could read to their children.  They will hear of how their grandmother grew up and of all her “Ramona the Pest” excursions. They will hear of the Great Grandpa and how funny and loving is.  Great Grandma the wonderful cook who fed their daddy until his little belly could burst.  The would learn of my brother and sister.  They would know what we were all like as children. Their heritage.  This is all they will ever have of me. The only gift I will ever give.

I am collecting prayers. I count them one by one. One for every tear, one for every tumor. One for those I love and one for memories never to come.

Renee Robinson

My author’s profile & bookstore- http://naesnest.wix.com/phoenixwriter

Amazon Profile & Bookstore: https://www.amazon.com/author/reneerobinson

Smashwords Profile & Bookstore: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/297776

Shadows & Flames Book Net: http://phoenixwriter.spruz.com

List of eBooks:

Cancer is My Name, ASIN#  B00AKZ98KS

Raining Angels, ASIN B00BBERPCK

Shadows of The Heart, ASIN BOOBD2I0X4

Butterfly Wings, ISBN 9781301970148


Nae's Nest

Posts

I find myself "Dancing With Cancer", problem is...I can't dance. I stumble, bumble, and get pulled along. To keep my sanity, (humor me), I write short stories, a journal, musings and poetry....just about anything goes.

14 responses to Dear Diary, Dancing with Cancer. To the granchildren I may never know

  1. 

    I just ordered one today, Renee. It will be my weekend read.
    With Long-distance Hugs and Prayers,
    Jamie

  2. 

    Renee’, you speak from your heart and that is the most important quality in a writer or any person. Your stories will be shared with your grandchildren by your sons and they will get to know their grandmother through the stories and through their father’s eyes. You will be in a better place and be able to be a guardian angel to your sons and their future offspring.

    Many prayers are with you and may you have peace and no pain.

    Gina

  3. 

    I DIDN’T KNOW YOUR CANCER HAS RETURNED AND THAT YOU WERE SO SICK…
    WE WELL HAVE YOU IN OUR PRAYERS, FOR SURE ….ALICE & JERRY

    • 

      Yes, it is back in the liver again and has now also spread to the lungs. Chemo is getting more and more difficult to continue. It is causing more and more damage and making me sicker each time. I need all the love and prayers I can get.

      xxoox

  4. 

    I’m so sorry the cancer has returned and I want you to know that you are always in our thoughts and prayers. I’ve enjoyed your writings so very much. Your gift of writing is amazing. Love and prayers. Bob & Mary Lou

  5. 

    If you can, find inspiration and encouragement in that the words you write now will bring comfort to others later.
    Your strength is a lesson in courage to all who follow you and read your messages.
    Thank you for sharing your life, it is an honor to know you.

    • 

      Thank you for taking time to respond. It always brings me great joy to read comments like yours. There are so many good people in the world. So many who show love to others they have never met. It is beautiful and I am happy to see this side of humanity.

      • 

        I am surprised nearly daily at the kindness and concern for animals being expressed by those who read my Blog.
        Yes, there truly are a lot of wonderful people on our planet.

  6. 

    Renee, I would love to see your children’s book. I find it easier to connect to stories than poetry. Though many of your poems have been very touching and piercing. It is stories about real people that tend to get to my heart. This letter alone was something I want to come back to, to read it, to know the child you, and the people in your world.

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