I have put this entry off. I am now currently undergoing my third round of chemo. This round is “preventative”. I am now informed my cancer has a 90% chance of returning. Essentially, I am being told the cancer WILL come back. The reason is my entire liver is still full of cancer. It is inoperable. I underwent chemo which did not kill the cancer. Instead, the chemo made the chemo dormant.
Envision the cocoon of a butterfly. A life confined within its layers. If all goes as planned, the cocoon will burst open. Our hope being, to do nothing, cancer will remain sleeping and never awaken. Thus allowing the butterfly to live in this world, in this dimension. Her beauty shining more than before. She now can fly with the wings of a rainbow and a new concept and appreciation for life.
Although the cocoon is forever gone. The cancer remains within the mask of a butterfly. It may awaken at any time. The butterfly will have lost all hope, should the cancer awaken. She will also live with guilt by choosing to do nothing when faced with a 70% survival rate had she only chosen chemo. She knows, by taking chemo, more color from her beauty is forever taken away as the chemo feeds on her delicate tissue.
So, it is after much consideration the butterfly determines there is no correct choice. She simply chooses what she feel is best for her. She chooses to have less sparkle in her wings. She chooses chemo.
Regardless, the butterfly continues to see life with new eyes, a new concept and appreciation. Allowing her to glow from deep within. The beauty of living and surviving adding yet another sparkle to her life.
.I will have my 2nd treatment in this round on Tuesday. The last round was very hard on me. Please keep me in your prayers and keep your candles burning. Help this butterfly to shed this cocoon forever.