8/21/12 – Dancing With Cancer

Nae's Nest —  August 22, 2012 — 10 Comments

Dear Readers,

You may notice my writings are slowly decreasing in number.  I tend to average 1 post a day now.  Today I cheated.  I found some interesting news articles which I re-blogged.  I love those!

I have 2 poetry books ready to publish.   I need to format and send.  I have been waiting for a sunny day inside my soul.  Lately, I am clear full of clouds.

The more treatments I have, the more symptoms I get and the longer they decide to hang out and party.  However, the last tests I had revealed my tumors are shrinking.  So, I chant that about a thousand times a day so I do not forget.  Believe it or not, it works!  It helps to keep my focus.

You see, I do not know when my treatments will end.  Going to the hospital every other week feels like another visit to Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory.  I go in, and recline while I am being hooked up to the tubes that deliver various poisons directly into my blood stream.  About halfway through my treatments, I am weak and groggy.  I have no memory and have to leave via wheelchair because I am so drugged, weak and sick.

After about 3 or 4 hours, I go home.  The clincher is, I go home with the happy cocktail strapped in.  In other words, I go home with the chemo.  I am hooked up to a pump which I take home for another couple of days.

When I go back to have the pump removed, you would think YAY! Now I will feel better.  I can write, maybe shop for a kitten.  However…that’s not the way it goes.  You see, the chemo isn’t done with you.  It is still having a party somewhere in my bloodstream.  I upsets my stomach, prevents me from eating, exhausts me and I truly believe it downsizes my brain every week.  Not only is my memory screwed up, but my cognitive thinking is a mess.  At this moment, I am unable to take care of myself.  I take a list of meds.  I have no idea what I take, when, or even if I took them.  So, I have lost some independence.  Everyone has to make sure I am not sitting in the dark drooling all over myself.

Interesting, the more I write…the more difficulty I am having in knowing when and if I am making a joke.  haha  Ok, maybe not that bad.  I just needed to blow off a little steam.  I feel miserable.  I want to write, but my concentration is non-existent.

I had a reason I wanted to write this insert…I honestly forgot why.  This is my normal now.  I am living on a plane somewhere, totally isolated and alone with my thoughts.  Fortunately, my own thoughts can still keep me entertained.

Love to you all

Renee

Nae's Nest

Posts

I find myself "Dancing With Cancer", problem is...I can't dance. I stumble, bumble, and get pulled along. To keep my sanity, (humor me), I write short stories, a journal, musings and poetry....just about anything goes.

10 responses to 8/21/12 – Dancing With Cancer

  1. 

    So happy to hear the tumors are shrinking! I will continue to pray for God’s healing touch. Your post is amazing and well focused. Congrats on the two poetry books. I know they will be best sellers!

  2. 

    Happy to hear the tumors are shrinking! I will keep praying for your healing. So excited to hear about the two books. I know they will be best sellers!

  3. 

    Bless you, Nae, I hope you come out of this soon. Your posts have been an inspiration.

  4. 

    Dear Renee,
    I am so sorry this is so horrid for you .
    I send you lots of love for this so hard time, thinking of you and sending all the best vibes through the ether x x

  5. 

    So many hugs to you friend. You are an incredible warrior princess. Your strengthen and spirit are just beautiful to me Nae… hang in — write when you feel up to it. Rest and keep the chant going – I will do some chanting too! xxoo

  6. 

    The tumors are shrinking! The tumors are shrinking! I will repeat it as well! Blessings and healings Renee! Good luck with the publishing! What a wonderful thing to look forward to. 🙂

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