You may notice my writings are slowly decreasing in number. I tend to average 1 post a day now. Today I cheated. I found some interesting news articles which I re-blogged. I love those!
I have 2 poetry books ready to publish. I need to format and send. I have been waiting for a sunny day inside my soul. Lately, I am clear full of clouds.
The more treatments I have, the more symptoms I get and the longer they decide to hang out and party. However, the last tests I had revealed my tumors are shrinking. So, I chant that about a thousand times a day so I do not forget. Believe it or not, it works! It helps to keep my focus.
You see, I do not know when my treatments will end. Going to the hospital every other week feels like another visit to Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory. I go in, and recline while I am being hooked up to the tubes that deliver various poisons directly into my blood stream. About halfway through my treatments, I am weak and groggy. I have no memory and have to leave via wheelchair because I am so drugged, weak and sick.
After about 3 or 4 hours, I go home. The clincher is, I go home with the happy cocktail strapped in. In other words, I go home with the chemo. I am hooked up to a pump which I take home for another couple of days.
When I go back to have the pump removed, you would think YAY! Now I will feel better. I can write, maybe shop for a kitten. However…that’s not the way it goes. You see, the chemo isn’t done with you. It is still having a party somewhere in my bloodstream. I upsets my stomach, prevents me from eating, exhausts me and I truly believe it downsizes my brain every week. Not only is my memory screwed up, but my cognitive thinking is a mess. At this moment, I am unable to take care of myself. I take a list of meds. I have no idea what I take, when, or even if I took them. So, I have lost some independence. Everyone has to make sure I am not sitting in the dark drooling all over myself.
Interesting, the more I write…the more difficulty I am having in knowing when and if I am making a joke. haha Ok, maybe not that bad. I just needed to blow off a little steam. I feel miserable. I want to write, but my concentration is non-existent.
I had a reason I wanted to write this insert…I honestly forgot why. This is my normal now. I am living on a plane somewhere, totally isolated and alone with my thoughts. Fortunately, my own thoughts can still keep me entertained.
Love to you all